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a try. [Jun. 20th, 2005|01:41 pm]
"deep in the jungle"
incestual, i felt
for you are my brother, my lover.
tribal roots surround me as i try.
try thisness.
i looked up that day,
and i have before but it was for my own pleasure
but not this time in which i am speaking
not an ego-pleasure a look-what-i've-done but a
beauty-pleasure this newness thing here.
beauty-pleasure a catch of rapture and that was
why i looked up and i was astounded by
fascination with expression
this and a dance of
unexpectedly but not quite
as i come into myself that was already there
so that i may appreciate you
visuality was not my forte until you
and you came along
it is right here surrounding me
and feast upon you that i may hear
you whimper underneath me and within me
oh brother of mine, for we are separate but alike
and for the first time i
do not have to put up fronts
be someone else.
no more.
that close.
come to me.
do i sense you holding back?
there is nothing to fear,
i am not like the others.
to stroke your cheek and i
wish that you were here beside me.
so that i may be surrounded by your presence
caress me.
feel my skin beneath your fingertips.
as i breathing you in.
i look around, curiosity.
yes, i want to know more.
knowledge my sustenance.
gleaning my Word from what is known.
and yes, you were right.
realization the other night.
as you laid in bed asleep,
i laid in bed captivated
by the perfect moment.
and upon a slap of inspiration
got up and wrote.
"All led to the perfect moment =
perfectly here with you."
"There is me
and there is everything around me
and everything
is as it should be."
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random thoughts 2 [Jun. 20th, 2005|12:34 pm]
i sit here in my
extracting clues
ponder this and.
were there expectations
of my being here but
i know why because
choice is made freely and
if not and knowingly of expectations
will try to live up to that
and so
i sit here in my pondering.
but those that may not even be there
and what of my own.
my own of me that is.

i dwell in air, today.
a song, a poem to me and i.
reminded of "when you stop looking,
then it will find you"
Io! Io!
sheltered paradises and the
tribal pulse running through my veins
what do i have to offer?
and the cursor only blinks at me, giggling.
there, there is that core
that stands strong through the tests of time
battles and scars, but don't we all.
and there is always that core but
ego causes blindness and so
that i got in touch with such a thing that i may
know it that i may
recognize it that i may
deal with it that.
backspace-backspace. i.

darkness. receptivity comes to mind.
what is dark but the womb-
the physical a manifestation of the
eternal feminine, the mysterious.
walker of ways.
dare i? that light of dark, mingled the
the beauty of of of dark not the bad is that it?
and my head pounds with the perplexity and the
making-sense of things that make no sense in this world.

what was that place i went to, if not darkness?
different forms of darkness and why.
i know that place
and it's not pretty but
yes, that's it
the candlelight
lit up shadows and i.
i, abstractly.

and there it is, that.
wait? where i placed it?
oh there. giggle.
that which was not placed but simply was
there all along.
strength. i know.
at my core and i recognized.

oh, belong.
here was where the dejavu came in.
looking back on me on i.
time has only the meaning which we give.

love was that which we knew all along.

amusing to me is my lack of words
synonomous with beauty.
such is the path i walked.

but now.
and i wonder if i could.
if nothing else, there is always a try.
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random thoughts of truth (lies?)(self?) [Jun. 20th, 2005|09:23 am]
a poem once of
"i ventured forth to meet my creator"

lies are sometimes
disguised as truth and sometimes
truth may be disguised as lies
and, in making sense,
truth hurts more than
falsities for
lies are dismissed as lies but
[i ventured forth to meet my creator]
the truth tugs at the soul. and.
sometimes it is hard
to extract the
trueness from what is perceived
as false but
often we can distinguish
when it hurts, when it tugs when
[and.] screw-you.
sometimes the truth
may not be always what
we want to hear.

-a line-
instinctual mingling with instinctual,
strength. hope.

life can be full of beauty and
life can be simply wretched and
i constantly remind myself it is i
who determines
such a point. of-view. and.
is it dogma if i decide to
always view life-as-beautiful?
sometimes incredibly dross
and i remember who it was
that was my creator.
scurried forth to meet this being only to
it was I.
I who creates.
I who is in charge of destiny.
we all have various teachers
at various points
.of intersection.
in our lives but it is up to us. to i.
to be open enough to notice.
and the real teacher lies inside.
for what good is being taught if
we are not willing to learn?
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gotta luv photoshop [Jun. 17th, 2005|04:55 pm]

Poor, sad, locked up giraffe

Be Free, Be Free!

(wording inspired by my 4-yr-old son, who said "what are you doing? are you letting the giraffe go?")
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as we concentrate on the miracles, [Jun. 17th, 2005|02:05 pm]
we oft forget to pay due attention to the seemingly mundane.

The Feast at Cana:
John 2:1-12, NIV
1.On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, 2.and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3.When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."

4."Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."

5.His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

6.Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[a]

7.Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim.

8.Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet."

They did so, 9.and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10.and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."

11.This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.
12.After this he went down to Capernaum with his mother and brothers and his disciples. There they stayed for a few days.

(see this link)
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couldn't resist this one [Jun. 17th, 2005|01:30 pm]

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:thispathimon
Your haiku:young one in training
ah how i learned html and
the energy is
Created by Grahame
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women in prison [Jun. 14th, 2005|12:22 pm]
Prenatal care for prisoners is often delayed and inadequate when finally provided, especially for high-risk conditions. Pregnant women are transported to the hospital in restraints in all stages of labor and are shackled to their hospital beds, including at times during delivery. All of this jeopardizes two lives, as the many miscarriages and stillbirths suffered by women prisoners attest.

Of the 161,483 prisoners now in California state prisons, 10,708, or 6.63%, are women. Yet it is only in the last decade that the number of women in California prisons has grown to such levels. Women's concerns, therefore, have often been ignored in a system designed and historically operated for the 90% or more of the prison population who are men.

Reports in recent years describe health conditions for women prisoners in Chowchilla, where the two largest women's prisons are located, as a "horrifying." In a one-month period in December 2000, seven women died at a single one of these prisons.

Approximately 7 % of women incarcerated in California state prisons are pregnant.

One case of a high-risk pregnant woman shackled around the waist throughout entire journey from San Diego to Chowchilla in 2001.

The ACOG [American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists] Standards Should Be Adopted and Shackling Pregnant Women Must Be Banned.

While the Policies and Procedures address medical evaluations after assault, conspicuously omitted are sexual assaults. The September 2000 study found that the greatest number of medical complaints at VSPW [Valley State Prison for Women] involved sexual assaults, defined as including verbal harassment as well as physical harassment by guards and medical staff. "[i]t was also alleged that women in the [Segregated Housing] Units live in constant fear of rape".

Missed medications is at the top of women prisoners' health care complaints, with nearly 22% of women prisoners in a recent study reporting that they had missed important medications at least once and many reporting missing them repeatedly. Of those who missed medications, 21.6% suffered health complications as a direct result.

When diagnostic test results are deemed "clinically significant," the Policies and Procedures require that the prisoner be informed about the results by the primary care provider at a follow up appointment within a clinically appropriate timeframe. But when the results are not "clinically significant," there is no timeframe for notification. Yet all test results, whether positive or negative, are clinically significant: that's the purpose of diagnostic testing. Not knowing the results can create severe anxiety, as, for example, when a woman prisoner has been biopsied for breast cancer. A reasonable timeframe, e.g., 14 days, for notice of test results not requiring a follow up appointment should be added.

The Madera County Coroner refuses to perform autopsies if the decedent was HIV positive. [regardless of the fact that her cause of death may not have been HIV-related]

For over 13% of the women, the care provided by the medical staff was harmful to their health, sometimes very seriously, resulting in disability or even death.

[emphasis my own]
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today's computerizationing [Jun. 7th, 2005|10:38 am]
at long last, i finally learned how to use css to create lists for menus.

link that breaks it down: http://www.webcredible.co.uk/user-friendly-resources/css/css-navigation-menu.shtml

it's most helpful to break down someone else's code, step-by-step, and figure out what each little line does. that's how i learned html and the bit of css that i know. yes, i took an html class, but that was after i learned just about everything in html besides tables (which my attention span found incredibly dull and boring). The class was a requirement for other classes.

a site i'm inspired to redo: http://www.yogacenter.com/

i've got a website up and going for a webdesign business, but i've not advertised for it. why? i go in and out of webdesign inspiration phases. there are often times when i have absolutely no desire to build a website and mess with html. this wouldn't be too good if i had a project to work on, due by a certain date, and complete lack of desire to create it.


yesterday, i did a little sketch of our apartment for my son. i used to draw when i was younger, and then sort of got out of it. but, yesterday, as i tried to get perspective right, i remembered how much fun it was, drawing.

"jack-of-all-trades, master of none" comes to mind. my "problem" is: everything interests me, and therefore, i want to learn of and about everything. which leads me to knowing a bit about a lot of things, but knowing a lot about few things. there's just so much that the world has to offer!

other randomness: no longer a country-girl (not that i ever really was before, but something akin to it), i now reside on the second floor of a city that is quite immense. i sometimes keep an eye out for potential what-ifs, and this second-floorness being one of them. see, there are only windows (3) in the front of our apartment. the what-if being the case of a fire. thus, i have plotted out ways out of the apartment (i wonder how sturdy the drain pipes are, and there are the meters right below them if one can get footing for one step on the pipes), and also what could be done if these ways out were inaccessible (shower curtain thrown out, for it could catch on fire, and lots of wet towels). ok, /end randomess.

my son is making a lot of noise in there, and keeps running in here to get my attention... so off i go. keeping a four-year old entertained is quite a task.
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2005|12:02 pm]
my body hurts. it is not used to -gasp- exercise. and i even got one of those exercise highs that -those damn exercise freaks- (haha) talk about. omg. and yes. how? when exercise is not fun? one word. ddr. yes indeedy. =fun

actually was productive on the computer today. it's amazing what taking time away from the computer [and making the decision to only get on when one actually has something to -do- besides browse the net] can do.

it's picnic time.

[no, the low, rumbling sounds are not thunder that precedes rain that might actually cool this city down some. it's only the neighbors next door watching what seems to be some sort of war movie.]

-eyes the rain toy over there-
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(no subject) [May. 25th, 2005|11:39 am]
Random thought for the day:

Whether you are the student or the teacher depends on your perspective.
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